Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
::Today's soundtrack: The Rolling Stones "The Last Time" ::
Some of you may recall that waaaay back in the dawn of time, I expressed my gluttonous need for Girl Scout Cookies (Rant 74). Those Tag-a-Longs are pure deliciousness, I tell you what. Therefore, it should come as no surprise to you that this year when I discovered some Girl Scouts camped out on the sidewalk with a table and veritable CASES of cookies just sitting there, I busted out my wallet and made myself their best customer of the day. This happened twice, actually. The first instance, the girl only had a few boxes of Tag-a-longs, so I bought everything she had, which was around five boxes. The next time I saw a Girl Scout for the Devil, She had LOADS of cookies, so I bought a full case. Yessir, I was pretty pleased. Stash several of those boxes in the freezer, and I'll be set until the next cookie selling season rolls around.
So I have eaten all of the cookies in the "loose" boxes I bought from the first Girl Scout and I recently cracked open a box from the case. There's a problem. The Girl Scout Cookie people have deemed it appropriate to CHANGE THE COOKIE RECIPE. At first, the alterations seemed only cosmetic: the box no longer reads "Tag-a-Longs" on it, but instead "Peanut Butter Patties." I thought maybe they couldn't trademark "Tag-a-Long" or something, and the rest of the box looked the same, so whatever. Then, oh and then, I bit into that first cookie from the new case. It was definitely different. In case you don't know what a Tag-a-Long cookie consists of, it has a small, round crunchy plain cookie, with peanut butter on top of it, and the entire thing is dipped in milk chocolate. It's pretty tasty. This new cookie, this "Peanut Butter Patty," however, somehow manages to throw off the once perfect balance of flavours the Tag-a-Long had boasted for so long. The cookie part is larger and there seems to be slightly less peanut butter, those jerks! Thinking I may be going out of my mind, I compared the boxes just to be certain, and sure enough, the ingredient listing and nutrition information is different. WHAT THE HELL, GIRL SCOUTS OF AMERICA?
This is unfortunately not the first time something like this has happened to me.
Are you familiar with Pocky? It is also a type of cookie-snack, but this one comes from Asia. It's a long, thin cookie, roughly the size and shape of your average pencil, that is dipped in various flavours of frosting. I had searched for Pocky in my area for quite some time, and was overjoyed to discover it being sold in a Korean import store right next door to my comic book shop. The box was written in Korean, but the store owner found it for me when I asked if he had any, and told me the only flavour he carried was chocolate. That's fine; I like chocolate. So, I bought a couple of cartons and went on my merry way. This has been my regular supplier of Pocky for around the last year or so. Last month, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that Pocky was now carried at my local Wal-mart. The Korean import store I usually frequent is a three hour drive away, and I only get there every few months, therefore it was easy for me to justify buying a few boxes at Wal-mart (besides, Wal-mart also had strawberry). The boxes at Wal-mart were written in English, which was unusual to me, but I was undeterred. When I bit into my first stick of "American" Pocky, it was distinctly different than my imported ones. The Korean Pocky was dipped in MILK CHOCOLATE whereas the "American" Pocky was covered in SEMI-SWEET CHOCOLATE. This is a VERY big difference!! Personally, I find milk chocolate to be FAR SUPERIOR in the taste department to semi-sweet. I have NEVER understood why nearly ALL chocolate chip cookies you buy in America have semi-sweet chips in them. BLEGH! I have now resigned myself to purchasing Pocky only from that Korean import store from now on.
Have y'all ever eaten Cap'n Crunch cereal? I have. I have eaten it on and off since childhood, actually. When I was young, Cap'n Cruch did WHAT IT SAID IT WOULD DO: stay crunchy in milk. Seriously, I remember in the 1980s that Cap'n Crunch was fucking CRUNCHY. You could let it sit in a bowl of milk for 15 minutes and it would not soften one bit (of COURSE I tested this as a child.... for science!!). These days a couple of minutes in milk and it softens right up like any other cereal. The Cap'n is no longer Crunchy, folks.
Another favourite breakfast cereal of mine is Froot Loops. That is some good stuff, yep. Again, I have enjoyed Froot Loops since my youth. When I was young, Froot Loops only had three loop flavours: orange, lemon, and cherry. Now there are six. I'm pretty okay with the addition of extra flavours to the mix, but do you know what it lost? NUTRITION. Back when it had only three flavours, it was formulated to carry 100% of your daily recommended amount of Vitamin C. That is pretty bitchin' if you think about it. These days? Only 25% of your recommended Vitamin C. The flavours are good, but was it worth it, Kellogg's?
In sumation, it bothers and confuses me when companies mess around with proven recipes. If you have something delicious AND profitable, WHY are you changing it? I honestly didn't think it would be possible for me to kick my Girl Scout cookie habit, but the Girl Scouts seem to have done it for me, and that's the last thing I would have expected. I will probably carry on buying a box or two from them every year, but I don't think I'll be stocking up in large quantities like I used to, and it's their own fault.
William the Bloody (taste tester)
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