Our founder, Sir Bloody William Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William. He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This image was rumoured to have been commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!

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Rants >> Rant 363

::Today's soundtrack: Muse "Time is Running Out" ::


Well, I'm stumped. I mean, I don't know what more I can possibly do. Why am I not a "famous" internet person yet? Seriously? This website has been around since 2003; 2004 at its current URL. That is a long time, a veritable ETERNITY in internet years. This website is also HUGE, in that I have literally over ONE THOUSAND pages of STUFF... all original stuff at that! And some of it actually isn't crap! Some if it is good stuff! And there's stuff for everyone: silly, serious, or stupid... I got a sampling! Don't like to read? Heck, I got a section of pretty pictures! I also update regularly! Unlike SOME sites out there, which shall remain nameless (but you know who you are), that are cool but choose to update erratically.

So what is your problem, internet? I have witnessed younger websites with much less stuff become crazy online must-see sensations much more quickly. What am I doing wrong? Is this because I openly shun MySpace and Facebook? Wait... it's because you had that party and I made up some lame excuse and didn't go, isn't it? One time, internet! One time I didn't go to your little party and you purposefully started rerouting traffic, didn't you? Well, that's simply mean, internet! I'm sorry. Let's not fight. You know I love, you, right? Heck, I'm online most everyday! This site wouldn't be here AT ALL, if it weren't for you.

But, what can I do with it to finally become famous? Besides post those naked pictures, I mean. Or do Rule 34 drawings (WILL NEVER HAPPEN). Perhaps I should start offering a "service" of some kind (NOT THAT KIND OF SERVICE, YOU FIEND!). Maybe if this website actually served some sort of "purpose" it would be more popular. Heck, it's not even a proper blog-thing. Maybe THAT'S the problem. You people wouldn't prefer reading about what I had for breakfast today (I already write about that stuff on my Twitter) over the sorts of things I normally write about in here, would you? Is everyday going-ons what people like to read about when cruising the ol' internets? Trust me when I say, though, that MY everyday stuffs would induce a coma. Never before have you encountered anyone with a personal life as boring as mine. I suppose at the very least if I were to write about my dull life it would make other people feel like their own life were super-interesting by comparison. That would be somewhat useful, I guess.

But really, why are websites, just as useless as my own, yet updated unpredictably, so much more famous-er? I'm lucky if I get 2 comments on my posts per week (average number of weekly comments lately = zero, William, you loser) never mind the ricockulous HUNDREDS of comments posts at those famous websites get. One thing I have noticed a bunch of the more popular websites do is use either silly drawings, scans or images of some sort in nearly every post. I suppose the one way the internet could be MORE of a proponent to ADD is to advocate for reading less. Why READ when you can look at this silly picture and look I wrote an even sillier caption for  it! Eh, nothing against those sites, but do I really want to be "just another" one of THOSE? Wouldn't that be cause for my visitors to draw immediate (and probably) unfair comparisons? "Yeah, William's Bloody Hell is fun, but it's no The Oatmeal!" (The Oatmeal, IS super-funtastic, by the way)

Is it a matter of self-promotion? Do the so-called famous websites get that way by practically literally WHORING themselves?  It's not like I'm NOT "out there" on that internet. I'm a member of Twitter and I belong to a forum of cool people and I regularly visit and comment upon other websites when I feel one is warranted (re: I'm not only commenting so that people will want to comment in return). I bounce around, I visit places and say "hi." Should I be blatantly self-whoring all over the place? "I like your site, I bet you'll like mine! Tee-hee!" Blech! I couldn't bring myself to do that. Should I be buying advertising? I already spend money on hosting and such, so I don't know that I could justify much more on this silly little hobby that nobody else even pays attention to. Should I have Digg or Reddit accounts? How does that shit even WORK? Heck, I don't even know. I think if I had all of those "Digg this!" type buttons all over the place that I would like a desperate slut. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF UNICORNS DIGG MY POSTS! SOMEBODY VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE!! Hm.

I suppose I figured if I made something GOOD that the fawning hordes of fans would follow automatically. It seems I was misinformed on this, however. It appears as though I am doomed, DOOMED! to a life of internet obscurity. Well, if no one is ever goings to read anything I have to say on this thing, then I guess there is only one word left to say:

...

...

Boobs.

That is all.

William the Bloody (unknown)

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