Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Rufus Wainwright "Across the Universe" ::
Isn't it annoying when you come up with an idea which you're sure is absolutely brilliant and then you find out that someone else already thought of it? Is there anything else in the world more disheartening than to discover someone else beat you to the punch? That maybe you aren't as clever as you thought you were?
When I was a wee laddy, I had an epiphany over my breakfast cereal. I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if there were such a thing as a spoon which had a straw running down the handle? That way people like me could easily sip up there Cocoa Puffs flavoured milk and so on. Yes, I was so damn smart. Years later, I was not quite a teenager, but I remember spotting that exact item in a kitchen wares shop and feeling mildly outraged that someone out there had stolen my idea! Some corporate bum had mind reading abilities and was nicking clever ideas from the unsuspecting population! There could be no other answer.
More recently, I had written a script for a vampire comic book. It was kind of a The Crow-Watchmen-Interview With the Vampire cross section. I was so proud of it, particularly the ending. Our hero, a guy who had been turned into an evil vampire was only just remembering his mortal life and how he had been a good person with people who loved him, but this other vampire didn't like that so he murdered the hero's former wife. The hero finds her dying and there's nothing he can do so he holds her in his arms in the park until the sun comes up and he burns to death cradling her. I know it sounds so very emo, but trust me, it was pretty good and I was so proud of it then. But.... then this new vampire comic book mini series comes out, with nearly exactly the same ending! I felt ripped off, but how could I have been if no one besides me and those two friends I had help me to edit it ever read my script? Damn, I was too late. Now I would look like the ripper-offer if I ever tried to print my story.
There are those who say that no new songs can be written because The Beatles have already composed every melody, every tune combination possible. I have also heard that no new stories can ever really be written. It's all been done. That everything will and can only ever be a rehash of a Greek myth, Aesop fable, Grimm fairytale or Shakespearian play. No new ideas are possible.
With all of this in mind, I need to apologize to all of you. I have been even more recently been disillusioned. The awful truth about my unoriginality has been thrust upon me once more. You see.... THERE REALLY WAS A BALDER'S DAY! I know! I had no idea! Here I thought I was so bloody clever and smart inventing a summer holiday and all! But lo, there used to be a Balder's Day and it fell on June 24. It was later renamed to St. John's Day. It all has something to do with the plant, St. John's Wort which also used to be named after Balder because of it's bright yellow flowers. When they renamed the plant, the renamed the day as well. How was I to know? I merely wanted to steer away from Christian references and thought Norse mythology would be fun. The only other form of polytheism I was even remotely educated in were Greek and Egyptian, but I thought Norse would be easiest. What a fool I was!
So, to all of you out there who placed your faith in my now obsolete holiday, I beg your forgiveness for having misled you. You may continue to celebrate the first Wednesday of August if you wish, but know now that you are under no obligation to attempt to carry on this falsehood, this deception. Yes, it was from the very start a made up holiday, but I had such grand designs for it. Ah, well, like all other ideas of mine which I felt had any merit behind them to go places, this one too was pre-empted. I shall continue to visit and bring a gift to my parents on that day, but I still feel like a fool.
William (had the rug yanked out from under)
