Salutations, traveler of The Internets! Welcome to William's Bloody Hell, so named after our founder, Sir Bloody William.
He is seen in the likeness above in a rare, 19th century woodcut. This
image was rumoured to have been
commissioned after a bout of unpleasantness
in the White Chapel district of London. Do enjoy your stay and peruse our many, varied offerings, much of which cannot be found elsewhere!
:: Today's soundtrack: Evanescence "Everybody's Fool" ::
Thank the muses, I don't have to subject you all to my hideous emo poetry. Yes, the response to my plea for somethin' to talk about has indeed been more than adequate. In fact, I'd call it supoib. Now then. Because YOU demanded it....
Q. Do you think Tarantino can possibly follow up a small movie like Deathproof with an obvious overblown epic like Inglorious Bastards?
You mean even more obviously overblown than Kill Bill? (actually yeah, so far it is more obviously overblown than Kill Bill because KB was two parts and Inglorious Bastards right now looks to be THREE PARTS LONG). Well, if he actually does FINALLY put out IG seeing as to how he's been supposedly wanting to put it together since around the time of Jackie Brown, I'd say Deathproof was the perfect time to work on it. I'd imagine creating a half of a full length movie would have given him a little bit of free time to work on his monster epic, and I'm sure his hardcore army of drooling fan boy zombies only got their QT palette mildly whetted by Deathproof and are now rarin' to go for some wall to wall ultraviolence. And if you think about it, there is really no better setting for Tarantino-ness than in a war movie about a group of hard core bad boy soldiers on a mission with nothing to lose. The setting of WWII would naturally provide the perfect backdrop for massive attacks of gunfire, explosions, dismemberment, arterial spray and brain matter spewage to come off as necessary to the plot as well lend itself oh-so-sweetly to the male bonding and cleverly worded dialogue that only brothers in arms could deliver. I don't know how he's going to work in women's bare feet in a mans-mans movie like that, but I'm SURE he'll find a way.
Q. With the addition of Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth this year, and the further development of Lawrence Maroney do you think the Patriots have the best offense in the league?
Maroney is pretty young and fresh out of the gate, and he does have some big Corey Dillon-shoes to fill (let's not pretend he wasn't a factor in the 2004 Super Bowl, yeah?), but he does have some pretty impressive stats already. Also, it can sometimes be tricky coordinating an effective offense when adding two newcomers to the mix, but Stallworth only had the one year with the Eagles and seemed effective. His speed on the field is most definitely an asset to any team, provided his hamstring doesn't keep acting up and he can keep hiself out of drug related trouble (re: don't get your ass suspended, buddy!). While you can't deny Moss's raw talent (the stats speak for themselves), he does come off as a rather prima donna and may not be a team player (I hear tell on more than one occasion he is reported to say things like "I play when I want to play" and how his mood effects his game, and good lord, how many Universities did this guy go to (re: get kicked out of)?). Fortunately, Tom Brady is a competent leader and if anyone could pull these people to work cohesively, it would be he. How they stand on the League, on the other hand is something else entirely and the proof, as they say, shall be in the pudding. (So there, motherfucker)
Q. How many licks *does* it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?!?
You know, I actually don't LIKE Tootsie Pops! I used to consume them as a wee laddie when I got them for Halloween candy, but yanno, I didn't really LICK them? They'd just sit in my mouth until they dissolved. More of a lolly sucking, I guess. Then I'd throw it out because that Tootsie center is just NASTY. Seriously, Tootsie Rolls are horrid, little things and in a lollipop like that is just plain mean. So, I suppose the world will NEVER know. Which is unfortunate because that's what all the fighting in the Middle East is REALLY about.
Q. Poppy seed muffins, your thoughts?
Tasty. Never tried to make any myself, but if someone else has and they offer me one, I will eat it.
Q. "Hey There Delilah" - your thoughts?
Well, it's a bit weird to openly write a romantic song about a girl whom you have met but is involved with someone else and will never give you the time of day, isn't it? Sounds almost like the sort of stalkery thing I'd do to win a girl, though. Oh, don't you act like you haven't done some crazy stuff to get someone you like to notice you, because we ALL have, sweety, darling. But also, I should mention that I haven't heard the song because I'm an out of touch square, so I can't comment on it from a musical stand point at the moment.
And now some randomness, courtesy of Jen:
1. Who put the 'bop' in the boparan? Or is it bomb in the bombaran?
Well, first off, I THINK you've got the Beach Boys song
"Barbara Ann" confused with "Who Put the Bomp" by The Me First and the Gimme
Gimmes. Maybe? I suppose part of the point of the song is that you don't really
know who actually DID put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp, but
whomever he his, he made my baby fall in love with me.
2. Expound on what the phrase "Got any biscuits in der fer sale?" means to
you
It sounds like some dirty cockney chimney sweep is trying to
buy me biscuits. Shove off, mate, them's all mine ter eat!
3. If you had a random person come up and wash your windows, and then they
proceed to ask you to dole out some moolah, would you? How much? Why not (as the
case may be)? *By windows, I mean your place of residence, not your car...unless
your car is your residence, but that's highly unlikely.
Hm. I might pay him. Goodness knows they could use a washin'
and I haven't gotten around to it. How about a five pence per?
4. How many times can you say "frigid frazzled flippant aardvark floating
down the river of Social Unrest in the country of Khakistan. " in 10 minutes?
Derp?
5. What would you name your progeny?
As you'll recall,
I'd like to name my first born son Obi-wan-Kenobi Kal-El Optimus-Prime Lion-o
Scaramanga Nosferatu General-Zod Doctor-Who Zaphod-Beeblebrox Severus-Snape
Aragorn Nightwing Green-Goblin Xanatos Count-Olaf. I'm currently thinking
about naming my first born daughter after some of my favourite fonts like...
Veranda Arial Helvetica Bank Gothic Times New Roman Wingdings.
6. Who is your inspiration? To live, to create, to be your good ol' ranting
self?
WHO is my inspiration? Well, I've said it before and I'll say
it again now, my three biggest influences creatively are Neil Gaiman, Tim Burton
and Robert Smith.
7. Fried green tomatoes; your thoughts.
As a food, not bad. Good incorporated into bread. As a book,
never read it. As a film, so-so.
8. Westernized Omelets ; your thoughts.
Delicious.
9. If you had 10 minutes to live, what would you do?
I would pose dramatically like Lorne Greene in Battlestar
Galactica.
10. When the world ends, where will you be?
Probably reading comics or watching movies or BOTH!
11. If the polar icecaps melted in 10 days, what would you do?
Er, tread water, then drown?
12. Tell us what cartoon character you loathe the most.
Well, there's a bit of a
list, actually, but the most?
I'd have to say... Scrappy-Do. Blegh!
13. Tell us a person or people or characteristic in peeps that really rattles
your cage... but when you were a certain age, under 12.
I really didn't like it if I came into a project prepared and
everyone else didn't but expected me to carry them anyway. I STILL don't like
that.
14. What do you want on your Tombstone?
Meat and lots of it! You DID mean the pizza right?
15. If you went down a river in a raft, would you survive and why.
Why WOULDN'T I survive? I'm currently training to survive the
freaking zombie apocalypse so I think I can handle a river raft.
16. Make up some conspiracy theories about China shipping over all those
tainted goods.
I've known for years that China was the evil empire to watch,
even when we were all still duck and covering from the Soviets. China just keeps
itself so sealed from outside influence and view, that who knows what goes on in
there and why. The Chinese government has always been wary of anyone who is NOT
Chinese (did you know that foreign last names are ILLEGAL there? I could marry a
Chinese woman and she could not take my name. 'S true) and their own system is
so fucked up that the average Chinese citizen doesn't even know what's going on
half of the time or even aware of their legal rights (in China, there is an
average of 1 attorney for every 10,000 people). The legal system is seriously
screwy and the government is very corrupt and often in bed with the gigantic
corporations who pay them kickbacks in exchange for allowing them to pollute
wantonly, use outdated but cheap chemicals, and even displace people out of
their own homes in order to build facilities or dump waste. The average citizen
cannot fight this because they would need an attorney, and for an attorney to
fight a corrupt government in China is REALLY hard because in order to maintain
their license, the attorney needs to get it stamped periodically by a government
official, and what official is going to do that if your bringing a case against
government officials? So, it is perfectly legal for China to produce and sell
poisonous and potentially harmful toys and products to its own citizens and they
probably didn't think twice about sending them overseas. (Unfortunately, I did
not make most of this up)
17. Expound on the whole toilet seat up-and-down issue.
Um, up for number 1, down for number 2, completely down with
the lid on when not in use. That clear things up?
18. Violent Femmes.
Totally.
19. Violent Pedestrians in a sordid tale of love, deceit and utter chaos.
How 'bout that? More of a statement than a question,
really...
20. Wombats: Utterly cute marsupials, or dangerous rabid beasts?
Well, wombats are undeniably cute, what with their little
piggy-type noses and all. I haven't heard of them posing that much of a rabies
threat (but they could merely not have the rather infamous link to rabies that
raccoons and bats do, at least not in the USA they don't), but can be somewhat dangerous on their own due to their size and weight.
They could knock an average sized person down and have powerful jaws. But, as
far as I know they have kind of a live and let live policy, so I'll still admire
them for their cuteness, but not try to pet or pick him up.
21. Do you ever eat your Wheaties? Do you believe they'll make you like Mike?
No, actually. I don't eat Wheaties, and I'm an avid cereal
eater. Take THAT, Mike!
22. Why do we need to be like Mike? He's a bald middle-aged retired
basketball star with bad acting skills. I guess we can be thankful it's not Shaq.
Some people feel as though they have to be like SOMEBODY for
some reason. For a while, that somebody to be was Mike.
23. If you saw The Number 23, what are your thoughts on it. Did the ending
disappoint you as much as it did me?
Yes, I saw that film. It had some neat ideas, but yeah at the end it felt kinda jumbled, and I'm a fan of parallels, symbolism, and psychosis in film. Jim Carrey's performance wasn't bad, and for the first time in a while, Joel Schumacher's direction didn't weird me out. I also have to give him kudos for the well placed use of the song "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge. I really enjoy it when film makers can make artistic use of an existing song to emphasize a scene or character motivation, and that choice was PERFECT.
....and that's that. There actually may be more writings of rantings in the weeks to come which were inspired by my loverly viewers' submissions. I'd like to thank all of you who wrote in such crazy things. I know talk like I'm on my own planet sometimes (re: subjects you don't know anything about,) so it feels swell to give you the goods you yourselves have asked for. So, yeah, if this stuff sounds weird to you, it's your own damn fault. Thanks again youse guys for RE-proving that William's Bloody Hell visitors are the awesomest-est. Your regular rants shall resume next week.
William (takin' it easy this week)
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